The Shuffle List

Just to post something - The Shuffle List - Behind the break

Time to (come) clean

Dear readers,

I have been cleaning my house - besides that fun (not) activity, I am also involved in a secret. Though because it is a secret I cannot tell you anything about it. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Yes, fine - because you persist! I am once again - writing poetry. Nothing much special - though in thoughts of my ongoing flirt round with Aron I feel much more inspired.

I do have a lower back ache - and actually, this is all I have to tell at the moment.

Be safe,

- Aledawn

Happy Halloween

Just wanted to say Happy Halloween!

See you in the afterlife!

Lost in the shadows of the corners of my mind

Dear readers,

I know it has been a while since I last posted an update. But that is because I have so much going on. It's just not fair.

At my job they told me they could not keep me. My co-workers all miss me very much and want me to stay. So I had to say goodbye today. A very emotional thing - knowing I will not see them next week - or even tomorrow. 

My bike was broken - but it's fixed now! Yeah! 

I went back to my own house - not such a good idea, but the best I could handle at this point.

I keep swallowing my pills. Also, I am back on my daily cola adventure.

The Paranormal Diaries are still no further then they where when my last update was posted.

I am also still waiting on the Sims 3 Supernatural to come out - which would be tomorrow.

I also have decided I want to have as much fun as I can get.

Love,

Aledawn.

P.s. I know this is a weird update coming from me, but I don't feel like much else.

The Paranormal Diary

Dear readers,

I have started a short story that is called The Paranormal Diary (Working title) - the plot is short and simple and this will be my internet only story.

 Elizabeth is twentythree and four months pregnant. Her husband, John, is in the army. Since three months she has been noticing strange things. The windows open and close automaticly, the curtains open at random and she has been having these horrible nightmares. Elizabeth decides to starts a diary. To write down everything that has been going on. She contacts a medium who helps her find out what is happening and why. But then something mysterious happends and Elizabeth has to fight for her life and for the life of her unborn child. Can she protect her child and herself from whatever is trying to kill her?

Yes, this story is based on Paranormal Activity and on Marble Hornets. Therefor it will be an internet only story. Probably as a free ebook or on a blog. But I already decided to keep you all posted on this, seeing as I am truly enjoying it.

Love,

Aledawn

Why is that again?

Right - So I am being scolded for standing on a street corner. Why is that again? Right, because it was the street corner my not so fun neighbors live. That would mean the person who is constantly threatening me, trying to kill me with his car - etc. But my father, of all people, scolded me for standing there. While I did nothing - I did not even say anything. It was him calling forth my dogs, who stood stiff with anticipation. 

Anyhow - I have decided to be a stronger person. I seriously cannot believe people like them even exist. I have decided to also follow up on my fathers words and not to stand there again. Even though I honestly did nothing wrong! I swear. 

More updates - with a load of YouTube video's after the break!

Total Crushville Resident!

Dear readers and hopeless romantics,

I have entered Cruhsville. Well Fantasy Crushville that is. I have been watching the Vampire Diaries alot lateley. So, what people can imagine, I have a fantasy crush on Damon Salvatore.

I mean, let's be honest and look at this man.
He is not only good looking, smoking hot sexy - and not to mention his personality. He has a strong personality and that attrackts me alot.

Though I know this is a waste of good feelings - I am happy to have a new victim for my fantasy wide emotions.


So there for I needed to post this.

Love,

Aledawn

No No No! I Can't Believe It

I think I might be upset for all the wrong reasons. Good thing I only have to work for another 20 minutes or else I might have gone home.

I know this is none of my business, but still. How could you! I am so mad, it's like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. But I am so naive, thinking I can have it all.

So, now what do we do? Sit  and cry? Or make a new plan - a better plan.

How about we do the last thing, so that I can be happy again. So that I can say to those who have hurt me; "Look at this, see what I did and where it got me".

But one thing is for sure! I need a vaccation - very soon.

I am so willingly upsetting myself. I cannot believe I thought I had a chance of love with you. I can't even keep silent about it.  The only good part is that it was expected, though unwillingly, it was something I held in the back of my mind. Way way back - where it could not hurt me.

Love,

Aledawn

Vampires? Yes, vampires!

Dear readers,

I am having a great summary for a new story, ready? It's about vampires! No seriously, those bloodsucking creatures I am so fond of. And no. It's not a vampires who can sparkle and a human girl who turns into one after giving birth to some hybrid Twilight Saga story. It's going to be real, bloody and fun!

I am also thinking about making this a Blogger only story, but let me work on the first part first, okay!

Love,

Aledawn

Sadness on demand

Is it true that I can only find happiness with the images of those who do not excist?

I guess so, because I truly believe that there is one person for me to love, and that person is not real. Or I havn't found him yet. Yes, I wrote about him and me and then stopped because the pain I felt was to much for me to handle.

I've created memories around him and when I am in the right mood, I pull one out and start reliving those things.

Our meeting, the first kiss we shared underneath the pale moonlight sky, when the stars shone bright and the waves of the ocean could be heard. The smell of his hair, the color of his eyes when he was thinking about something impotant. They were the color of fading leaves in early autumn. A dark green with strokes of golden brown.

Or I think about how it would be if he was here. How we could be happy, together.
But we are not. He is somewhere (or not.) And I am here. I long to touch him, to stroke his hair. To kiss him for the first time again.

I'm so worried I might lose my mind dreaming of him. Because what do I have to live for. Maybe if I die, we will be together. Maybe not, because he is not real!

And that is what I have to remember.

Love,

Aledawn

Before I Need My Medicine

Dear readers,

I have been ill for a while. Since a week my throat has been sore. It's having some kind of infection in it. Laryngitis I believe they call it. It also makes me cough and spit slimes. But enough dirty talk.

I am bored to sleep - and even though I am sick, I am at work - which is a good thing. I cannot afford to be 'sick' especially when my co-workers are on holiday or sick themselfs.

Work until vaccation and then? Then I hope I can stay - I don't think I can stay and if not - I will go and search for another job. Would be a pitty because I :heart:  it here. The people are nice and the work is do-able. It's not too difficult and still holds some what of a challenge.

Well, time for me to do something else.

Love,

Aledawn

p.s.; I am reading the Vampire Diaries - watching the show

Report on the dead

Dear readers,

So - I am all alone in the house I grew up in. Totally weird. And also very comforting. It is having back an old friend that has been lost a long long time.

When I go in the attic, and stand at the spot I had my frist kiss with Chritiaan, I cry. When I stand at the spot my bed was, I laugh. When I stand on the spot where I knew I was pregnant, I want to do every bad thing to myself. So on that spot, I do not stand anymore.

It is weird, having this big empty space without any personal stuff inside it.

All of my stuff is in my 'home' where I do not feel at home at all. I feel confind to this jailsized house that I call a apartment, that I call 'home'. So therefor I am happy to be somewhere else, to be alone at a house I once did call my home. To the places I cried, laughed and died a little.

For me, it's like being on a vacation. In the days of the past - to the happy place.

Love,

Aledawn

Massive cravings

My dear addicts,


I have a confession to make. It is 22.02 and I am craving Ben and Jerry's badly. But I can't have any and I have to go to bed soon, so here, to tease you all. My favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor.

Love,

Aledawn

You are not to call me a bitch!

Dear readers,

I had a conflict today, my upstairs neighbor messaged me, sunday, telling me I was a bitch and to leave him alone. I didn't get it, at all. Until this morning. I was late for work (suprise!) but aranged me starting at 10 am today and tomorrow. I just finished quick walking the dog, when she started to jump at the door. He almost kicked her with his wooden shoes, so I lost it. I told him to act normal and he started to scream at me, telling me I was a bitch with a dogface. So I told him to shut up. And the he told me the only reason I was ever at his house, was to get in his pants. I was shocked. I so did not ever wanted that. Gross. Just the thought of me sleeping with him - it makes me want to puke.

Anyway, I told him to get lost and leave me alone - and never ever call me a bitch again. So I let the door close behind me as I walked my dog in. He came after me - screaming at me that I should not scream at him. That I was the bitch, the freak and the dog-faced lying whore. Big words for someone with an IQ lower than my dog. 

I closed my front door, scared, and he started pounding it. Screaming at me again. So I lost my temper and told him off. No not really - I screamed at him to get lost. And when he finaly did. I got on my bike towards work. Leaving shivers over my spine. 

I have to get back soon - but I am keeping some sence and locking my doors tightly.

Love,

Aledawn

p.s. I am lucky I did not hit him. He might be stupid, but he is strong.

It isn't a good idea to paint your nails when your sleepy

Dearest of  the dearest - yes, I mean you,


I am so tired, but I do not feel like sleep yet. I should though, because I am in my own home, my mother shall and will not wake me at 6.30 am to say It's time for work. Still I decided to paint my nails. It was a total disaster. Dye everywhere. I used black with glitter and am still working to get it off my nails. I am so not doing this again, late at night. 


Well for the rest of tomorrow I have a few interesting plans laid out. I will go to work, go do some light shopping (I need TP) and then go watch a movie, a few episodes of Prison Break and order me a nice diner. Still got no clue where or what I will eat, but I'll figure to treat myself to something special.


Sleep tight!


Love, 


Aledawn


p.s. I think my titles are getting like emo pop songs.

Emergency, please call 1-800-I LOST MY INSPIRATION

Alright, I have no time to great you all because this is an emergency, I have no inspiration left, and to do my daily writing training, I decided to go and write some pointless stuff here. How on earth can I be a novelist someday, when the only thing I can come up with today is a part of a sentence. And not even a good sentence either. Here, I'll show you.

".... I knew the girl was me, from my the pictures I saw of my childhood, of my memories."

Right. Strange, I know. And that was all I could write today, and seeing as it is almost midnight, I cannot see me continuing now. I need to sleep because work is waiting for me in the morning. How to continue when the only thing I can describe is a blond girl on a swing set. Where does the story go to? I am in much need of a plot summary. I am in need of an emergency inspiration kick. Some kind of adrenaline shot filled with thoughts I might be able to write out. 


Also, I have currently put Mirrors of Ice in the figurative ice. I am thinking to start that one over again. I ruined everything in it. The only parts that are still in tact of the original idea is the names of three of the characters. It sucks to be unable to write what I see, feel and dream. Mostly, because I tend to forget the details. Like the smells and scenery of places. I am not a detail person myself and I have to focus really hard to contemplate the idea's into words. Especially if you are talking about a room/world I have never been in myself. So those are the parts where my imagination stops. Because I want it to be as accurate as possible. 


It could be like this, when I think about a castle hall, where there is a throne.

"...The great big throne that stood at the south wall was beautifully engraved with bronze carvings of roses and other flowers my eyes had never seen before. The floors where made of a think substance, like marble, only it looked warmer. In between the throne of the lord and lady hung a giant emerald green flag. On this flag stood the symbol of the house. A bronze rose, entwined with a raven."

Even if I read over it, it doesn't make any sense to me. Why is this? Can someone just confirm to me, I am not losing my mind. I do not want to give up upon my dream of becoming a published novelist. Well I guess, there is nothing I can do about it. Just accept and dream on.

Goodnight for now!


Love,


Aledawn

And then it hit me... I am lonely

Dear readers,

For the past few weeks I was wondering why I am content to stay at my parents house, willingly. It took me nearly forever to see past the obvious reasons. Free shelter, free food, no bills to pay and an easy ride to work. But then just a few seconds ago, I was reading Dennis his blog and then it hit me. I am staying here, because if I will go home, I feel alone. I cannot bare the fact of being alone, no matter how many friends I have. No many how many lovers I take. I will feel alone for a while. It's not that I want him back - but the fact he speaks of the love of his life, and meaning not me, but some other girl, it just makes me feel all the mistakes I have made in my life. I know I am a good person. Pretty even in looks. But I still can't shake the feeling of self pity. Even self loathing. Why, I don't know. I just feel the way I do. Alone and unwanted. I am pretending not to mind. Not to mind people around me, getting married and having babies. My heart is breaking with every thought of them. I want what they have. I want it so bad. But am I willing to hook up with someone I do not feel love for? Not love in the wonderful butterfly feeling I had once, long ago. We will see what life brings me, eventually. 

Love,

Aledawn

Books and Series

Hey Readers and Peanut-cases,


So this happens to me. I totally got lost in Percy Jackson and the battle of the labyrinth after the second chapter. My mind did not work to well for me at that point. So I left the reading alone for a while and started to listen to audio books. I finished The Host by Stephanie Meyer in record timing. 48 hours total. (The audio book lasts for 24 hours) and after that I tried to read again, but could not get any further. And so I decided to watch a few episodes of The Vampire Diaries - which was awesome.


But then the simpleness of the audio book called me again. I got on a head start, not wanting to start from the beginning this time, a shame though, in the Southern Vampire Mysteries series, or the Sookie Stackhouse series, as they are also know. Or for the people who think - wth? The book series where the TV series true blood was based on. 


I jumped into Deadlocked, the last Southern Vampire Mystery Novel, and finished it last night. I cried at parts, laughed to. Held my breath and cursed when it ended. It was way to soon for my liking. Of course the author, Charlaine Harris, had her reasons to cut it to and end. I honestly say that I cannot wait for the series to continue.


Anywhooser, I decided, while I was still in a vampire mood, to switch to the House of Night series and then start at the beginning, but my attention span held no more of these nightly creatures and this morning I started listening to the Hunger Games, again.


I also bought a few new series on DVD. Under whom are Will and Grace and Prison Break. I am DS'ing again and trying to make my mind at ease.


By the way, my mother is addicted to Facebook games.


Love,


Aledawn

Mistake or Heartbreak

WHAA - I am so confused. I can't even think about what I have done. I know I've gotten my hopes up - and I'm going to get my heart broken. But there is a part of me - that believes it can still be. It might be the one thing I have not tried. I just need to swallow my frustration and pray to the gods that it will end well. And not as the last time.

F~U - The reason why I can't sleep

Dear Readers,


I am shouting F~U to my nightmares. They keep increasing. I totally hate it. It makes me drowsy on a different level. I just wish my mind could take a break. I am so totally tired, but to afraid to sleep. I did a lot of things to try this out. I am going to try some sleeping tea for a better night. But I have to admit I still need to buy it.


Gonna try to sleep again, so nighty night!


Love,


Aledawn

Slayed

Slayed

I feel as if you never loved me,
I feel as if you never cared for me.
I feel as if the world stopped spinning,
I feel as if you broke my heart.

You did break it,
and for now it needs time to heal.
For only a few moments,
And then the healing has to start.

I wanted to be slayed,
I wanted to be hated.
I wanted to be apart,
I wanted to be alone.

Still in the darkness you are no longer there,
Still in my home, you have left no token.
Not a single evidence as if you where there,
Not a single memory will evade my mind.

You have slayed me,
You have hated me.
You have torn me apart,
You have left me alone.

No more tears will flow,
I feel so left alone.
But I understand how you feel,
I understand your needs better than you do yourself.

Poem - Unwanted

I have written a poem - and it's beneath the break because of the horrible lines. Not suited for the faint of heart.

Why?

Dear readers,

As you might have read, I am totally in love. But this is something that bothers me. My male friends just can't be happy for me. I'm sure my female friends are. But they are jealous for some reason.. Does that makes me desirable? Or does that make them see what I have until I'm taken. It bothers me a little. Let me just be happy and leave me the hell alone!

Soon to be more.

Love,

Aledawn

New Lover

Dear dear readers - I have some great news. I am in Love. Yes, Love with the capital L. Not that it still is that serious. But we truly understand each other. It's been a while since I truly felt this way. His name is Dennis - he's younger than me - but he is funny, cute, smart and sweet - and he's such a great kisser!

Love,

Aledawn

Simming the Night Away

Hello my dearest heart sliced readers,


I am in a dark mood. But as I just hit the showers, all the dirt came off. I feel quit lonely, even though my thoughts should be happy. I have not much to share today. Just bought a new Sims game. The Sims Master Suite Stuff Pack. Living in a house full of vampires. Funny, to be honest.


Going to Sim the Night away.


Love,


Aledawn

Tea time

Hello!


As a non responsible blogger (and one who blogs o so little) I have decided to keep this up! At least for myself, as a personal diary or something. Perhaps people find it weird and all - why don't you just quit?


Well - for the reason I will tell here. I love to write - even this horrid blog that no-one in their right mind will ever like. But it's a start, even for me.


So what have I've been doing ever since I graduated?


Here comes the boringly short list.


I have celebrated my graduation with my family and with my friends. I have been to the cinema's only once.


I got my tongue piercing back in. 


I got a new wash machine, which by the way, I am very very happy about.  


I celebrated my twenty-third birthday, which was a blast! A lot of my friends came to celebrate and they left at about 3 am in the morning. 


I bought a new laptop, on which I am writing this blog now. 


I am still working at bv Sport as a front-desk assistant, doing very well.


I got a blather infection. Which sucked big big time.


Currently playing the Sims 3 with a vampire family of four and one on the way.

I have been reading much - just finished Percy Jackson and the Olympians - the Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan. See for yourself. 


And currently reading Percy Jackson and The Olympians - The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan. For more information - click.


But as the title of this blogs is Tea time - I will explain about that to. 


My best neighbour friend Clowdy Sky is coming over at 3 pm to have some tea. Which was a funny explanation because I had no clue tea time was at 3 pm.  So there you have it. Tea time. She also explained it where people talk about themselves and what happened in the time they where apart. 


So I'll have you pounding your pretty little heads about what I've been writing here, and see you next time.




Love,


Aledawn

The long awaited graduation

Hi Dearest People Who Give A Damn,


It has been 1 year and 1 month since I started the secretary school. It has been 4 weeks since I claimed done and tomorrow is the big day! Graduation. I will be graduating the REA-College and be a secretary, you know, one in a mini skirt, under the boss' desk.  So, I'm pretty nervous. Though there is no need ofcourse. I have passed it. Aced it. Done it all and can go to work for the rest of my misarble life. Not that I dislike the place where I have my work-experience, it's just that I wish I could do what I love, which is writing. But that's an offtopic subject I might discuss later. Tomorrow is the big day. At least I don't need to wear a cloack and hat. Although my dad mentioned to me the other day, and I quote: "You sure as hell would look like a smart wizard."


So, tomorrow, I will be one step closer to becoming rich - or at least an adult.


Love,


Aledawn

My 'small' to-do-list

At the point of typing it's been over 2 am in the frickin' morning and no, I can't sleep. I am not even planning on sleeping just getting some rest. My television is showing Teen Nick which on it's own isn't a bad thing. But I cannot stand they rerun everything. I wanted to watch the Titanic, but then again, we wanted to watch it in Theaters soon. So that makes my to-do-list. Shall I summon it up for you..

• Rearrange a time for The Hunger Games in theater with my friend Debby
• Help my mother who is getting surgery in the morning
• Do some serious shopping -  Jeans for Dave, Bag, Shirt, Hygiene products and a gift for my mother
• Arrange the Titanic Theater Trip or TTT for short
• Go and do my work-experience
• Take a test to finish my school
• Arrange my graduation outfit
• Try to be happy

Love,

Aledawn

The DVD collection has grown

Hi Readers and other semi-interested people,


I have awesome news. Last Saturday my grandmother and myself went to the store and they had a sale on DVD's, so of course I had to buy one (or nine). And that is why my collection has currently housed over nine new DVD's under which titles as: View From The Top, She's All That and Day breakers. And last week I bought Paranormal Activity, The Gladiator and Shutter Island. So in a total in this month I've bought 12 new DVD's which cost me 30 euro's.


More to be read soon,


Love,


Aledawn 

Movie reviews

Hi readers,


I am wondering what you would think about it, if I would be making movie reviews - also on YouTube. It is because I have almost 300 DVD's and I have not seen them all. But I'm still thinking about the W's


Why - What - When - Where 


So I can make them go by genre or by alphabet. Or a two in one which I could perhaps do with some remakes, for example; Romeo and Juliet from 1963 and Romeo + Juliet from 1996, or another example to do it by creator; like all the movies from Tim Burton - or all the Disney Pixar movies I have in my collection. But it might get a long, boring video review. Still have to think about it all and come up with a concept plan.


Love,


Aledawn 

Tired to the bones

I don't know if it's because I'm ill, or if it's because I slept badly for the past few days. But i'm tired to the bones. It's 20.25 while I write this and I wish so badly I could go to bed. Just sleep and do nothing more. I guess I go now.

Love,

Aledawn

The organisation of the DVD collection

My dear readers,


This is the second update in the new year. So a few days ago I decided to organize my DVDs. And you may be thinking, that's not so hard. Well, to be honest, it is for me. I have almost 260 DVDs. No, maybe more, I've not checked everywhere, but they where all stacked neatly in cabinets made for them and a gigantic closet. But every time I searched for one, I could not find it. The longest search I had was about an hour and I was looking for a Harry Potter. So now, I have decided to organize my DVD collection. And I did it as this. I first took out all the DVD's. Saw if the boxes where filled (which where not in 12 of the cases) and then wrote them down in Excel. 


Then I decided what genre I wanted to put them in. You see if you have a movie like Harry Potter, what genre would it fit? Well, It would fit Drama, Fantasy, Family and Romance. But I put them in Fantasy and in stead of writing down for example; Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, I wrote Harry Potter 1, Harry Potter 2, Harry Potter 3 etc. and for the last two movies I did Harry Potter 7.1 and Harry Potter 7.2. 


Not only will this make it easier for me to find out where I've hidden away my movies, it will make it easier for my friends and family to search one out, when they are here, if I told them; "Well, there is the romance section, and over here, that's horror." And if they did want to borrow one, well, I would write their names on the excel list, so I would know which person has which movie! It's easy. Maybe I will even make pictures and show them to you. Can't promise, but it is something I am very proud of.


Love,


Aledawn

2011 in a nutshell from me and my good intentions for 2012

Happy New Year! I wish you all the best, love, joy, health and happiness you can cope with. 


So to not make this post extremely long and boring, I will sum up 2011 in a nutshell making little dots and notes where I feel I should mention something. 

• I started a new school - doing the lesson pack for secretary.
• Started VERS training (to cope with my emotions etc.)
• I did not once try to kill myself (Giant Highlight)
• I fell in love 3 times. (One did not work out, one I'm still dating and the other was a big mistake.)
• I bought an E-reader.
• I found out I have fibromyalgia.
• I did not win any big prize money.
• I found out I am happy being me.
• I started writing, sometimes big pieces sometimes nothing at all.
• 
  

Now for my good intentions for the year 2012. I have decided to read more, to write more, to have more fun. To at last quit smoking and to lose some weight.

I wish there would be more to say but for now, I''ll leave it at this.