Massive cravings

My dear addicts,


I have a confession to make. It is 22.02 and I am craving Ben and Jerry's badly. But I can't have any and I have to go to bed soon, so here, to tease you all. My favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor.

Love,

Aledawn

You are not to call me a bitch!

Dear readers,

I had a conflict today, my upstairs neighbor messaged me, sunday, telling me I was a bitch and to leave him alone. I didn't get it, at all. Until this morning. I was late for work (suprise!) but aranged me starting at 10 am today and tomorrow. I just finished quick walking the dog, when she started to jump at the door. He almost kicked her with his wooden shoes, so I lost it. I told him to act normal and he started to scream at me, telling me I was a bitch with a dogface. So I told him to shut up. And the he told me the only reason I was ever at his house, was to get in his pants. I was shocked. I so did not ever wanted that. Gross. Just the thought of me sleeping with him - it makes me want to puke.

Anyway, I told him to get lost and leave me alone - and never ever call me a bitch again. So I let the door close behind me as I walked my dog in. He came after me - screaming at me that I should not scream at him. That I was the bitch, the freak and the dog-faced lying whore. Big words for someone with an IQ lower than my dog. 

I closed my front door, scared, and he started pounding it. Screaming at me again. So I lost my temper and told him off. No not really - I screamed at him to get lost. And when he finaly did. I got on my bike towards work. Leaving shivers over my spine. 

I have to get back soon - but I am keeping some sence and locking my doors tightly.

Love,

Aledawn

p.s. I am lucky I did not hit him. He might be stupid, but he is strong.

It isn't a good idea to paint your nails when your sleepy

Dearest of  the dearest - yes, I mean you,


I am so tired, but I do not feel like sleep yet. I should though, because I am in my own home, my mother shall and will not wake me at 6.30 am to say It's time for work. Still I decided to paint my nails. It was a total disaster. Dye everywhere. I used black with glitter and am still working to get it off my nails. I am so not doing this again, late at night. 


Well for the rest of tomorrow I have a few interesting plans laid out. I will go to work, go do some light shopping (I need TP) and then go watch a movie, a few episodes of Prison Break and order me a nice diner. Still got no clue where or what I will eat, but I'll figure to treat myself to something special.


Sleep tight!


Love, 


Aledawn


p.s. I think my titles are getting like emo pop songs.

Emergency, please call 1-800-I LOST MY INSPIRATION

Alright, I have no time to great you all because this is an emergency, I have no inspiration left, and to do my daily writing training, I decided to go and write some pointless stuff here. How on earth can I be a novelist someday, when the only thing I can come up with today is a part of a sentence. And not even a good sentence either. Here, I'll show you.

".... I knew the girl was me, from my the pictures I saw of my childhood, of my memories."

Right. Strange, I know. And that was all I could write today, and seeing as it is almost midnight, I cannot see me continuing now. I need to sleep because work is waiting for me in the morning. How to continue when the only thing I can describe is a blond girl on a swing set. Where does the story go to? I am in much need of a plot summary. I am in need of an emergency inspiration kick. Some kind of adrenaline shot filled with thoughts I might be able to write out. 


Also, I have currently put Mirrors of Ice in the figurative ice. I am thinking to start that one over again. I ruined everything in it. The only parts that are still in tact of the original idea is the names of three of the characters. It sucks to be unable to write what I see, feel and dream. Mostly, because I tend to forget the details. Like the smells and scenery of places. I am not a detail person myself and I have to focus really hard to contemplate the idea's into words. Especially if you are talking about a room/world I have never been in myself. So those are the parts where my imagination stops. Because I want it to be as accurate as possible. 


It could be like this, when I think about a castle hall, where there is a throne.

"...The great big throne that stood at the south wall was beautifully engraved with bronze carvings of roses and other flowers my eyes had never seen before. The floors where made of a think substance, like marble, only it looked warmer. In between the throne of the lord and lady hung a giant emerald green flag. On this flag stood the symbol of the house. A bronze rose, entwined with a raven."

Even if I read over it, it doesn't make any sense to me. Why is this? Can someone just confirm to me, I am not losing my mind. I do not want to give up upon my dream of becoming a published novelist. Well I guess, there is nothing I can do about it. Just accept and dream on.

Goodnight for now!


Love,


Aledawn

And then it hit me... I am lonely

Dear readers,

For the past few weeks I was wondering why I am content to stay at my parents house, willingly. It took me nearly forever to see past the obvious reasons. Free shelter, free food, no bills to pay and an easy ride to work. But then just a few seconds ago, I was reading Dennis his blog and then it hit me. I am staying here, because if I will go home, I feel alone. I cannot bare the fact of being alone, no matter how many friends I have. No many how many lovers I take. I will feel alone for a while. It's not that I want him back - but the fact he speaks of the love of his life, and meaning not me, but some other girl, it just makes me feel all the mistakes I have made in my life. I know I am a good person. Pretty even in looks. But I still can't shake the feeling of self pity. Even self loathing. Why, I don't know. I just feel the way I do. Alone and unwanted. I am pretending not to mind. Not to mind people around me, getting married and having babies. My heart is breaking with every thought of them. I want what they have. I want it so bad. But am I willing to hook up with someone I do not feel love for? Not love in the wonderful butterfly feeling I had once, long ago. We will see what life brings me, eventually. 

Love,

Aledawn

Books and Series

Hey Readers and Peanut-cases,


So this happens to me. I totally got lost in Percy Jackson and the battle of the labyrinth after the second chapter. My mind did not work to well for me at that point. So I left the reading alone for a while and started to listen to audio books. I finished The Host by Stephanie Meyer in record timing. 48 hours total. (The audio book lasts for 24 hours) and after that I tried to read again, but could not get any further. And so I decided to watch a few episodes of The Vampire Diaries - which was awesome.


But then the simpleness of the audio book called me again. I got on a head start, not wanting to start from the beginning this time, a shame though, in the Southern Vampire Mysteries series, or the Sookie Stackhouse series, as they are also know. Or for the people who think - wth? The book series where the TV series true blood was based on. 


I jumped into Deadlocked, the last Southern Vampire Mystery Novel, and finished it last night. I cried at parts, laughed to. Held my breath and cursed when it ended. It was way to soon for my liking. Of course the author, Charlaine Harris, had her reasons to cut it to and end. I honestly say that I cannot wait for the series to continue.


Anywhooser, I decided, while I was still in a vampire mood, to switch to the House of Night series and then start at the beginning, but my attention span held no more of these nightly creatures and this morning I started listening to the Hunger Games, again.


I also bought a few new series on DVD. Under whom are Will and Grace and Prison Break. I am DS'ing again and trying to make my mind at ease.


By the way, my mother is addicted to Facebook games.


Love,


Aledawn

Mistake or Heartbreak

WHAA - I am so confused. I can't even think about what I have done. I know I've gotten my hopes up - and I'm going to get my heart broken. But there is a part of me - that believes it can still be. It might be the one thing I have not tried. I just need to swallow my frustration and pray to the gods that it will end well. And not as the last time.

F~U - The reason why I can't sleep

Dear Readers,


I am shouting F~U to my nightmares. They keep increasing. I totally hate it. It makes me drowsy on a different level. I just wish my mind could take a break. I am so totally tired, but to afraid to sleep. I did a lot of things to try this out. I am going to try some sleeping tea for a better night. But I have to admit I still need to buy it.


Gonna try to sleep again, so nighty night!


Love,


Aledawn

Slayed

Slayed

I feel as if you never loved me,
I feel as if you never cared for me.
I feel as if the world stopped spinning,
I feel as if you broke my heart.

You did break it,
and for now it needs time to heal.
For only a few moments,
And then the healing has to start.

I wanted to be slayed,
I wanted to be hated.
I wanted to be apart,
I wanted to be alone.

Still in the darkness you are no longer there,
Still in my home, you have left no token.
Not a single evidence as if you where there,
Not a single memory will evade my mind.

You have slayed me,
You have hated me.
You have torn me apart,
You have left me alone.

No more tears will flow,
I feel so left alone.
But I understand how you feel,
I understand your needs better than you do yourself.