Life and Love don't mix together..

As I write this today, I have to admit that my life does not suck as bad as it used to. I have found a new victim, for my unwanted love. Though I have this strange feeling that in a way, we are growing apart. And we've just been seeing each other for about a few weeks (note, almost 1) - but still. Maybe it's just me being very weird and psycho about this - maybe it's true. I guess I'll have to wait and see... 


But in another way, to be understood that I'm kinda new to this - him that is. I wonder what he does when I'm not around, who he hangs out with (yep, a boyfriend who has actual friends).. I feel so strange on the inside - I still even havn't figured out if I am in love or not.. But I do care for him, feel strongly for him.


I'm going mad, writing this all down. So i'll leave it, for now, at this. I want to try and make more blog entries about him - let's call him J. so he does not get offended or anything. 


With lots of love,


-Aledawn

Oh My Headache! feat. House of Night

Everyone has headache problems from time to time - and mine hurts, now and again for about a really long time. But sometimes those minor 'stress' headaches grow into major migraines. And then what. What if a migraine lasts for more then 3 days?

Well to be honest - my head is almost again on migraine level. But the funny part is before I go to bed - about 2 hours - it starts untill I fall asleep. But to not be all whiny and shit, I am here to recomand a new bookseries - who are not that new - It's the House of Night series. I am currently on book 2 'Betrayed by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast' Highly recomanded by Aledawn - me that is - the series is about Zoey Redbird who is a vampyre flegdling. So much fun and so addictive.

Mood: Lonely Headached Sadly Happy.. (can't make sense of my emotions)
Current Audiobook: House of Night - Betrayed by P.C. Cast + Kristen Cast
About to do: Sleeping

p.s. 55 days untill I turn 22

How life flips

Have you ever wondered why life is like this? One time your happy - other times you feel like bursting into tears, staying home underneath the covers. RUN AWAY FROM THAT. Or atleast we try, don't we. We try and try and try even harder. But it doesn't work. It feels like years or maybe even decades before we feel happy. Before we can move on. But that's not my point. You need to move on. Not for you - but do it for others. So try your best - and keep on breathing - even when you do excersise -  The world is not without heart-ache and heart-ache seems to be healty for you. I do doubt it. But seeing as I am not sure if I am the expert on this subject I cannot tell you. 

I am also busy on my newly bought Wii Fit Plus. And the Yoga is very difficult. But I try and try untill I fall.

And then a some new recomandations for you.

Music: Indica - A Way Away and Ambeon - Fate of a Dreamer
Books: The Fallen Series by Lauren Kate - the Demonata Series by Darren Shan - The Vampire Series by Darren Shan 
Movies: Tangled - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1
Games: Wii Fit Plus for the Wii and ofcourse Pokémon Black and White (Which I do not have and probably will not get until somewhere in April.)

Dark Star Prologue; before the beginning

Prologue; before the beginning

Mrs. Snape of Spinner's End was looking worried outside the window. Her black eyes reflected in the on coming street lights. She stood on the tips of her toes, seeing she wasn't very tall. Her thin hands and long fingers brushed her black hair out of her heart-shaped face. She had a sweet small nose and fair skin. But further she looked as if something was bothering her very much. It was getting late and her husband, Mr. Snape, was arriving late from his work. Nervous as she was, she wicked and flicked a small, thin wooden stick. This was not an ordinary wooden stick. This was a magic wand. As Mrs. Snape was not an ordinary woman but a witch. She looked outside again and saw headlights coming on the entering of the street. Mrs. Snape's breathing sped up. Her husband was home, at last. She flicked her wand and it left the entire house spotless, before putting it away. Her husband was what she called a muggle. Someone with not a drop of magical blood in his or her veins.

The front door creaked open and was closed again with a very loud Bang! as a tall man stepped into the living room. He had a sallow skin and short black hair with grey at the roots. And enormous long hooked nose and baby blue eyes set above it.

“Eileen” set Mr. Snape to his wife.

Mrs. Snape could smell an air of strong alcohol and cigarettes.

“Eileen, what have you been doing today?” Mr. Snape asked his wife in a defensive tone, as if he was being attacked by his wife.

“Cleaning.” Mrs. Snape replied, but her voice had an screechy sound to it.

“How nice.” Mr. Snape said with a bored tone to his voice.

“When's diners ready?” asked Mr. Snape while taking the news paper in his hands.

“20 minutes my way. One hour, your way.” Mrs. Snape answered her husband.

“Good.” Mr. Snape said while walking towards the stairs, to read his news paper in their bedroom, as he always did.

“I'll see you in an hour then.”

Mrs. Snape stared angry at he back of the retreating form of her husband. She cleared her mind and sighed as she walked away to the kitchen to get started on diner. She passed a mirror and absent mindedly petted her beach ball sized belly. Eileen Snape was pregnant with her first child.

She let her mind wander freely while chopping up ingredients, not bothering to use a knife but waving her wand back and forward. Asking herself why she married Tobias, before she told him she was a witch. He let slip, several times a week, that he hated magic and everything that was just the least bit suspicious. He had forbidden his wife to preform magic at any time or anywhere. But ever since she got pregnant he had to give in to the hormones raging trough her body. So, after hours and days of fighting with each other, Mr. Snape told his wife she was aloud to use magic when he was away. However, when Tobias Snape returned home from work or the pub she was to get rid of her wand immediately. And it would be best if there was nothing magical around. Not for Eileen, not for Tobias and not for their unborn child. Though she had given it thought to leave Tobias, there where two reasons that she stayed. The first was that she had no family and no money to go anywhere. She also was seven months pregnant. And second, she loved Tobias with her entire heart.

From the diary of Eileen Snape – Prince.

January 1^st; Happy New Year. My contractions are getting worse, even out of control I would say. Tobias is scared of the timing, he does not want to drive to the hospital at night, when he has been drinking. He also does not know what to do when the baby comes sooner then when he's not home.

January 4^th; Tobias took a week of work, to stay here and clean the house as I have gotten this big I can barely leave the bed. He told me he was concerned about money.

January 9^th; I just gave birth to a baby boy. We have decided to call him Severus. Tobias seems happy, but I’m not sure what he will do if he finds out that Severus might be a wizard.

January 30^th; I got into a row with Tobias, because I got an owl from an old school friend whom heard about me getting a baby. The package contained baby clothing and a request for pictures. Tobias hit me when he found out and then left for the pub, to go and drink again.

February 8^th; Severus just made a chair levitate while I was changing his clothes. Good thing Tobias was not here.

February 19^th; Tobias got fired. Hell broke loose as he raged on and on about it. Severus cried all day long. There was no silencing that boy.

March 11^th; Tobias found a new job, at the post office. He also found out about Severus' magical gifts.

April 6^th; Things are well. Still not much money. Tobias asked me if I could not produce money, by magic. I explained the magical rules. He did not like that very much.

On a drowsy raining morning in September Mrs. Snape sat at the breakfast table – waiting for her husband, Mr. Snape, to finish his breakfast. Mr. Snape noticed and put down his fork and looked at his wife in a funny way.

“Yes?” He said – in a slightly curious tone.

“Isn't breakfast good?” Mrs. Snape asked back in return.

“I guess it's okay.”

“Good.”

“What is on your mind?” Mr. Snape asked raising his eyebrow.

“Well,” she said, weighing the words in her mind.

“What?” Mr. Snape said, anger the base emotion in his tone.

“We, we, are having another baby. I'm pregnant again.”

Mr. Snape his mouth fell open and he rose from his chair and flying with arms open to his wife. After a long minute Mr. Snape went back to his chair and took another bite of his eggs.

“I just hope that this child will not become a freak, like you and Severus.” after he said this, he stood up again and left for work.

From the diary of Eileen Snape – Prince.

October 31^th; I've been to the hospital, there seems to be something wrong with the baby. We had no idea what.

November 11^st; I've been having nightmare's and I seem to have a craving for sweets. The baby moved for the firs time. 3 months pregnant.

December 25^th; I wanted to buy Severus a nice gift, but money is low. Well he is to young to remember anyway. Merry Christmas.

January 18^th; Everything is fine with the baby again. I'm getting very big.

March 4^th; I asked my neighbours to watch Severus when we need to go to the hospital.

March 21^th; I was brewing a potion. But then something was very odd about it. A few drops splashed over my body.

May 4^th; Getting ready to give birth – days are dragging.

May 8^th; I finally gave birth. And guess what, it's a girl. Tobias insisted to name her Angel and I agreed. She has his eyes. Baby blue.

Autumn - do I need to say more.

All right, so today, for me, is the beginning of Autumn. 1st of October. I havn't posted my feelings and thoughts here. But I did wrote something, somewhere else. And decided to place it here.

It's called Life as we know it, and here it is.

Ever wonder.. what will happen to us if life as we know it ends. I know the awnser. But are you willing to listen to my adivce? Cannot tell you the cost of my advice. But if you are interested I recon you listen to the following. Everything you know is about to change. I have experience in this department of thought. But have you? Lets discusse the price before I awnser all your questions. No i'm not talking about money. Money will not gain you anything. Money will not teach you lessons you need to learn in life in order to get things straight. Money will only get you greedy. Once you have more money then normal, you will feel a two desires. The spending desire, you can buy stuff you don't need and after a few days or weeks it's worthless and you'll regret it. Then kicks in greed, it rips your soul apart because the moneystack in the back of your jeans is shortening. You will do anything for money. Maybe even steel for money. We do not want that. Allright - how about uhm, let's see here. I know.. how about love. But love cannot be honest if used as method of payment so we'll leave that one out to. Your life is worthless to me because I allready have one. I also think you are better having your own life. 

You know writing this makes me feel generous so I'll let you off with a bargin. Use this advice to teach others who need it. 

What will we do when life as we know it changes or even ends. We adept a different life or lifestyle. One we may not like as much as the old one, but one that will get us trough. Even so, it will be hard on you. It was on me. As long as you have the will to fight you'll find a way. I know I did. Even without him. I fought and I changed my life; again. This is what we do everytime something happends that changes the way we have lived our lifes for so long. Someone new comes along, a new love, a child or a pet. Something goes; a car, a bike, a house or even a friend. Something dies; a pet, a neighbour, a lover, a family-member or a friend. These things take time to adjust to. And life changes. That is hard. Especialy the bad things are harder then the good things. But it are those things that make us strong. And it is okay to feel depressed and cry for a while. Aslong as you can raise your head and be a better person. If you keep saying no-one loves me... did you look in the mirror? If you love yourself others will love you to. Not everything goes as you plan it. But take your time to learn from them. Do things slowly and watch movies all day long for a change. Make yourself feel better. You will see that even then, when life changes as you knew it. You will come out a stronger person. 

Please remember my terms of payment and use this to make people who need it feel better. Feel better yourself and help others feel better so that they can feel better and you will see that when life changes, it's not the end of the world. 

Take care, be kind and love yourself. 

Love,


Aledawn 

the night sky - the most beautiful thing out there

Some people would say that the night sky is pretty. Some people would not know because they never seen the night sky in it most beautiful glory. I did, every time I got the chance - I would go out and be lost in the midnight blue and the lights of the stars and the moon. Just a few seconds ago I was outside, smoking my cigarette. I know that smoking is bad for you. I know that it will kill you. But i'm not discussing the fact that I smoke. I was outside, thinking that the sky was pretty for the time of year. Middle of the summer. It felt like early autumn/fall or even Midwinter. Mostly summers are warmer. It was chilly but not cold.

And I used to remember the thing that made me most happy. The fact that I was 14 years old, having my first "job" as a night-time babysitter. Walking outside at 9.30, which at that time was late for me. I walked to the nearest bench - my parents always thought that I was done by 10 or 10.15 and they never made a big deal out of it. The family I used to babysit was across the street but just far enough so my parents did not see me sneak out. I used to walk to the back side every time I got back. But still not the point.

When I sat on that bench, I thought of Love and Life and the suffering a human is in before finding their happily ever after. I had my share of myserie and suffering. I used to think that love was something beautiful, more prudent then anything else. That the lover that was meant for you and only for you could enjoy everything that you would. Bring you happiness everytime you were near your significant other. But soon enough I found out that Love was just survival. Love was nothing more then holding on for dear life and hoping it would be over soon. That the fairytale version of love would jump out of the giftbox and scream; " "Suprise" . But I am affraid that does not happen. Love in the first fase is free, exciting and happy. But after a while the nightmare begins. Fights start and you end up alone and heart-broken. And for all those who did find their fairytale love. Please share your secret.

But the sky of autumn reminds me of the feeling I had when I thought true love was real and as happy as in fairytales. 7 years later I come to think that it might all have been a dream but every time I see the night sky it reminds me that all the things in the world seem impossible but yet, everything is possible.

So every now and again I exile myself to a moment of myserie and will go and stare at the night sky and remember the love I felt - the questions I had. The hope that still is here inside the deepest darkest hole in my soul.

I think i'll go back soon.. Just to remember.


Love,

Aledawn

Snowflake Road! Small Poem

On the snowflake road it happend,
It hurt like hell and all it's demons.
On the snowflake road it happend,
And every second became silent.


On the snowflake road it happend,
He came down on me - screaming.
On the snowflake road it happend,
He swore he would kill me.


On the snowflake road it happend,
He drew his knife in fierce anger.
On the snowflake road it happend,
a stab, and then he died.


On the snowflake road it happend,
Though there is no proof.
On the snowflake road it happend,
Whether I will see him again - No!


On the snowflake road it happend,
I survied, and he gave his life.
On the snowflake road it happend,
And then it started to rain.