the night sky - the most beautiful thing out there

Some people would say that the night sky is pretty. Some people would not know because they never seen the night sky in it most beautiful glory. I did, every time I got the chance - I would go out and be lost in the midnight blue and the lights of the stars and the moon. Just a few seconds ago I was outside, smoking my cigarette. I know that smoking is bad for you. I know that it will kill you. But i'm not discussing the fact that I smoke. I was outside, thinking that the sky was pretty for the time of year. Middle of the summer. It felt like early autumn/fall or even Midwinter. Mostly summers are warmer. It was chilly but not cold.

And I used to remember the thing that made me most happy. The fact that I was 14 years old, having my first "job" as a night-time babysitter. Walking outside at 9.30, which at that time was late for me. I walked to the nearest bench - my parents always thought that I was done by 10 or 10.15 and they never made a big deal out of it. The family I used to babysit was across the street but just far enough so my parents did not see me sneak out. I used to walk to the back side every time I got back. But still not the point.

When I sat on that bench, I thought of Love and Life and the suffering a human is in before finding their happily ever after. I had my share of myserie and suffering. I used to think that love was something beautiful, more prudent then anything else. That the lover that was meant for you and only for you could enjoy everything that you would. Bring you happiness everytime you were near your significant other. But soon enough I found out that Love was just survival. Love was nothing more then holding on for dear life and hoping it would be over soon. That the fairytale version of love would jump out of the giftbox and scream; " "Suprise" . But I am affraid that does not happen. Love in the first fase is free, exciting and happy. But after a while the nightmare begins. Fights start and you end up alone and heart-broken. And for all those who did find their fairytale love. Please share your secret.

But the sky of autumn reminds me of the feeling I had when I thought true love was real and as happy as in fairytales. 7 years later I come to think that it might all have been a dream but every time I see the night sky it reminds me that all the things in the world seem impossible but yet, everything is possible.

So every now and again I exile myself to a moment of myserie and will go and stare at the night sky and remember the love I felt - the questions I had. The hope that still is here inside the deepest darkest hole in my soul.

I think i'll go back soon.. Just to remember.


Love,

Aledawn