For better and for the other thing I can't recall

So, to be honest - I feel kinda good about myself. Shock! I have no idea where this sudden shift of feelings came from. I do feel lonely all the time - and I have these horrible nightmare's about the most horrible things. But still, I feel good about myself. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I stopped caring about stuff. I don't care that I feel unloved by my 'boyfriend' and I do not care that I probably failed at school. No, that's not true. I care to much about those things - It might be the reason that I started regular periods of sports. I know what I want with my life at this point! I want to be married and have children. I know that for sure.

Oh, I'm babbling again. See this is what happens when I have nothing of interest to tell. I start to babble.

On school and a bad, postive grade - horror movie mania

Great, another school day. I'm on my new keyboard. As seen over there ->

Alright, the two parts of the keyboard are stuck together, at this moment. My mouse is a long, thin bar. Beneath the keys. It's funny, yet at times it get's very frustrated. But it helps me and my illness.


I've secretly diced to work with more pictures in my blog. To cheer it up more. Make it interesting for the people who read this, except for myself. I mean this is going to be my online diary.


I had a test today, Dutch Spelling Style; got 5.6 out of 10. Barely passed. I'm very disappointed about this. But, as my teacher tells me, a pass is a pass. It does get my total down to a 5.8.. Not happy about that, and I can't redo the test.

___________________________________________________________

In further news, I have returned to my Horror Movie Mania - This means I want to watch as much horror movies as I possibly can. This far, since Saturday, I've seen 2 horror movies. Both of them were not really that excited.

First one I saw was Bride of Chucky: (trailer may not be suited for minors. I cannot be held responsible for any damage you suffer from watching this video.)

Second one I saw was Cabin Fever: (trailer may not be suited for minors. I cannot be held responsible for any damage you suffer from watching this video.)

I did thought the first one, Bride of Chucky, was funny - the second one, Cabin Fever, was not what I had expected of it, after seeing the trailer.

Tonight, however, me and my friend M. will most likely be watching:

The Blair Witch Project: (trailer may not be suited for minors. I cannot be held responsible for any damage you suffer from watching this video.)







I will keep you posted on this - tell you what I thought and what more I will be seeing.

A fall from the past..

"A life without my love, would be dreadfull. But who is my love at days like these. Why is it I cry, why do we die inside, just to be with that one person. Can we actually stay to our true nature or do we betray ourself? Nothing much about the world - 'I feel you and I fear you' - no, I love you."
 Mirrors of Ice


Ha - how did that sound? I still have no clue but seeing as it has been very long since I last worked on Mirrors of Ice (previously known as "Wedding From Hell") I decided to do up more inspiration. But then again, I usually get inspiration from heart-aches. Of which I have non at the moment - which may be good for my sanity, but is horrible for my writing. I need to find a way to combine love and writing.. Especially to write horror's of heart-ache and losses. Haha.. I just can't write when I'm happy. Maybe I can write two or three horrible gooey love lines - but that would be all. 


"Please, come back to me soon. I miss you already" etc. etc. etc. Those kinds of phrases.


Well I am going to once again focus on the past to be able to write - It doesn't matter that my happiness dwells for a moment under it. It will be alright again, tomorrow.


Love,


Aledawn

Life and Love don't mix together..

As I write this today, I have to admit that my life does not suck as bad as it used to. I have found a new victim, for my unwanted love. Though I have this strange feeling that in a way, we are growing apart. And we've just been seeing each other for about a few weeks (note, almost 1) - but still. Maybe it's just me being very weird and psycho about this - maybe it's true. I guess I'll have to wait and see... 


But in another way, to be understood that I'm kinda new to this - him that is. I wonder what he does when I'm not around, who he hangs out with (yep, a boyfriend who has actual friends).. I feel so strange on the inside - I still even havn't figured out if I am in love or not.. But I do care for him, feel strongly for him.


I'm going mad, writing this all down. So i'll leave it, for now, at this. I want to try and make more blog entries about him - let's call him J. so he does not get offended or anything. 


With lots of love,


-Aledawn

Oh My Headache! feat. House of Night

Everyone has headache problems from time to time - and mine hurts, now and again for about a really long time. But sometimes those minor 'stress' headaches grow into major migraines. And then what. What if a migraine lasts for more then 3 days?

Well to be honest - my head is almost again on migraine level. But the funny part is before I go to bed - about 2 hours - it starts untill I fall asleep. But to not be all whiny and shit, I am here to recomand a new bookseries - who are not that new - It's the House of Night series. I am currently on book 2 'Betrayed by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast' Highly recomanded by Aledawn - me that is - the series is about Zoey Redbird who is a vampyre flegdling. So much fun and so addictive.

Mood: Lonely Headached Sadly Happy.. (can't make sense of my emotions)
Current Audiobook: House of Night - Betrayed by P.C. Cast + Kristen Cast
About to do: Sleeping

p.s. 55 days untill I turn 22

How life flips

Have you ever wondered why life is like this? One time your happy - other times you feel like bursting into tears, staying home underneath the covers. RUN AWAY FROM THAT. Or atleast we try, don't we. We try and try and try even harder. But it doesn't work. It feels like years or maybe even decades before we feel happy. Before we can move on. But that's not my point. You need to move on. Not for you - but do it for others. So try your best - and keep on breathing - even when you do excersise -  The world is not without heart-ache and heart-ache seems to be healty for you. I do doubt it. But seeing as I am not sure if I am the expert on this subject I cannot tell you. 

I am also busy on my newly bought Wii Fit Plus. And the Yoga is very difficult. But I try and try untill I fall.

And then a some new recomandations for you.

Music: Indica - A Way Away and Ambeon - Fate of a Dreamer
Books: The Fallen Series by Lauren Kate - the Demonata Series by Darren Shan - The Vampire Series by Darren Shan 
Movies: Tangled - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1
Games: Wii Fit Plus for the Wii and ofcourse Pokémon Black and White (Which I do not have and probably will not get until somewhere in April.)

Dark Star Prologue; before the beginning

Prologue; before the beginning

Mrs. Snape of Spinner's End was looking worried outside the window. Her black eyes reflected in the on coming street lights. She stood on the tips of her toes, seeing she wasn't very tall. Her thin hands and long fingers brushed her black hair out of her heart-shaped face. She had a sweet small nose and fair skin. But further she looked as if something was bothering her very much. It was getting late and her husband, Mr. Snape, was arriving late from his work. Nervous as she was, she wicked and flicked a small, thin wooden stick. This was not an ordinary wooden stick. This was a magic wand. As Mrs. Snape was not an ordinary woman but a witch. She looked outside again and saw headlights coming on the entering of the street. Mrs. Snape's breathing sped up. Her husband was home, at last. She flicked her wand and it left the entire house spotless, before putting it away. Her husband was what she called a muggle. Someone with not a drop of magical blood in his or her veins.

The front door creaked open and was closed again with a very loud Bang! as a tall man stepped into the living room. He had a sallow skin and short black hair with grey at the roots. And enormous long hooked nose and baby blue eyes set above it.

“Eileen” set Mr. Snape to his wife.

Mrs. Snape could smell an air of strong alcohol and cigarettes.

“Eileen, what have you been doing today?” Mr. Snape asked his wife in a defensive tone, as if he was being attacked by his wife.

“Cleaning.” Mrs. Snape replied, but her voice had an screechy sound to it.

“How nice.” Mr. Snape said with a bored tone to his voice.

“When's diners ready?” asked Mr. Snape while taking the news paper in his hands.

“20 minutes my way. One hour, your way.” Mrs. Snape answered her husband.

“Good.” Mr. Snape said while walking towards the stairs, to read his news paper in their bedroom, as he always did.

“I'll see you in an hour then.”

Mrs. Snape stared angry at he back of the retreating form of her husband. She cleared her mind and sighed as she walked away to the kitchen to get started on diner. She passed a mirror and absent mindedly petted her beach ball sized belly. Eileen Snape was pregnant with her first child.

She let her mind wander freely while chopping up ingredients, not bothering to use a knife but waving her wand back and forward. Asking herself why she married Tobias, before she told him she was a witch. He let slip, several times a week, that he hated magic and everything that was just the least bit suspicious. He had forbidden his wife to preform magic at any time or anywhere. But ever since she got pregnant he had to give in to the hormones raging trough her body. So, after hours and days of fighting with each other, Mr. Snape told his wife she was aloud to use magic when he was away. However, when Tobias Snape returned home from work or the pub she was to get rid of her wand immediately. And it would be best if there was nothing magical around. Not for Eileen, not for Tobias and not for their unborn child. Though she had given it thought to leave Tobias, there where two reasons that she stayed. The first was that she had no family and no money to go anywhere. She also was seven months pregnant. And second, she loved Tobias with her entire heart.

From the diary of Eileen Snape – Prince.

January 1^st; Happy New Year. My contractions are getting worse, even out of control I would say. Tobias is scared of the timing, he does not want to drive to the hospital at night, when he has been drinking. He also does not know what to do when the baby comes sooner then when he's not home.

January 4^th; Tobias took a week of work, to stay here and clean the house as I have gotten this big I can barely leave the bed. He told me he was concerned about money.

January 9^th; I just gave birth to a baby boy. We have decided to call him Severus. Tobias seems happy, but I’m not sure what he will do if he finds out that Severus might be a wizard.

January 30^th; I got into a row with Tobias, because I got an owl from an old school friend whom heard about me getting a baby. The package contained baby clothing and a request for pictures. Tobias hit me when he found out and then left for the pub, to go and drink again.

February 8^th; Severus just made a chair levitate while I was changing his clothes. Good thing Tobias was not here.

February 19^th; Tobias got fired. Hell broke loose as he raged on and on about it. Severus cried all day long. There was no silencing that boy.

March 11^th; Tobias found a new job, at the post office. He also found out about Severus' magical gifts.

April 6^th; Things are well. Still not much money. Tobias asked me if I could not produce money, by magic. I explained the magical rules. He did not like that very much.

On a drowsy raining morning in September Mrs. Snape sat at the breakfast table – waiting for her husband, Mr. Snape, to finish his breakfast. Mr. Snape noticed and put down his fork and looked at his wife in a funny way.

“Yes?” He said – in a slightly curious tone.

“Isn't breakfast good?” Mrs. Snape asked back in return.

“I guess it's okay.”

“Good.”

“What is on your mind?” Mr. Snape asked raising his eyebrow.

“Well,” she said, weighing the words in her mind.

“What?” Mr. Snape said, anger the base emotion in his tone.

“We, we, are having another baby. I'm pregnant again.”

Mr. Snape his mouth fell open and he rose from his chair and flying with arms open to his wife. After a long minute Mr. Snape went back to his chair and took another bite of his eggs.

“I just hope that this child will not become a freak, like you and Severus.” after he said this, he stood up again and left for work.

From the diary of Eileen Snape – Prince.

October 31^th; I've been to the hospital, there seems to be something wrong with the baby. We had no idea what.

November 11^st; I've been having nightmare's and I seem to have a craving for sweets. The baby moved for the firs time. 3 months pregnant.

December 25^th; I wanted to buy Severus a nice gift, but money is low. Well he is to young to remember anyway. Merry Christmas.

January 18^th; Everything is fine with the baby again. I'm getting very big.

March 4^th; I asked my neighbours to watch Severus when we need to go to the hospital.

March 21^th; I was brewing a potion. But then something was very odd about it. A few drops splashed over my body.

May 4^th; Getting ready to give birth – days are dragging.

May 8^th; I finally gave birth. And guess what, it's a girl. Tobias insisted to name her Angel and I agreed. She has his eyes. Baby blue.