Autumn - do I need to say more.

All right, so today, for me, is the beginning of Autumn. 1st of October. I havn't posted my feelings and thoughts here. But I did wrote something, somewhere else. And decided to place it here.

It's called Life as we know it, and here it is.

Ever wonder.. what will happen to us if life as we know it ends. I know the awnser. But are you willing to listen to my adivce? Cannot tell you the cost of my advice. But if you are interested I recon you listen to the following. Everything you know is about to change. I have experience in this department of thought. But have you? Lets discusse the price before I awnser all your questions. No i'm not talking about money. Money will not gain you anything. Money will not teach you lessons you need to learn in life in order to get things straight. Money will only get you greedy. Once you have more money then normal, you will feel a two desires. The spending desire, you can buy stuff you don't need and after a few days or weeks it's worthless and you'll regret it. Then kicks in greed, it rips your soul apart because the moneystack in the back of your jeans is shortening. You will do anything for money. Maybe even steel for money. We do not want that. Allright - how about uhm, let's see here. I know.. how about love. But love cannot be honest if used as method of payment so we'll leave that one out to. Your life is worthless to me because I allready have one. I also think you are better having your own life. 

You know writing this makes me feel generous so I'll let you off with a bargin. Use this advice to teach others who need it. 

What will we do when life as we know it changes or even ends. We adept a different life or lifestyle. One we may not like as much as the old one, but one that will get us trough. Even so, it will be hard on you. It was on me. As long as you have the will to fight you'll find a way. I know I did. Even without him. I fought and I changed my life; again. This is what we do everytime something happends that changes the way we have lived our lifes for so long. Someone new comes along, a new love, a child or a pet. Something goes; a car, a bike, a house or even a friend. Something dies; a pet, a neighbour, a lover, a family-member or a friend. These things take time to adjust to. And life changes. That is hard. Especialy the bad things are harder then the good things. But it are those things that make us strong. And it is okay to feel depressed and cry for a while. Aslong as you can raise your head and be a better person. If you keep saying no-one loves me... did you look in the mirror? If you love yourself others will love you to. Not everything goes as you plan it. But take your time to learn from them. Do things slowly and watch movies all day long for a change. Make yourself feel better. You will see that even then, when life changes as you knew it. You will come out a stronger person. 

Please remember my terms of payment and use this to make people who need it feel better. Feel better yourself and help others feel better so that they can feel better and you will see that when life changes, it's not the end of the world. 

Take care, be kind and love yourself. 

Love,


Aledawn 

the night sky - the most beautiful thing out there

Some people would say that the night sky is pretty. Some people would not know because they never seen the night sky in it most beautiful glory. I did, every time I got the chance - I would go out and be lost in the midnight blue and the lights of the stars and the moon. Just a few seconds ago I was outside, smoking my cigarette. I know that smoking is bad for you. I know that it will kill you. But i'm not discussing the fact that I smoke. I was outside, thinking that the sky was pretty for the time of year. Middle of the summer. It felt like early autumn/fall or even Midwinter. Mostly summers are warmer. It was chilly but not cold.

And I used to remember the thing that made me most happy. The fact that I was 14 years old, having my first "job" as a night-time babysitter. Walking outside at 9.30, which at that time was late for me. I walked to the nearest bench - my parents always thought that I was done by 10 or 10.15 and they never made a big deal out of it. The family I used to babysit was across the street but just far enough so my parents did not see me sneak out. I used to walk to the back side every time I got back. But still not the point.

When I sat on that bench, I thought of Love and Life and the suffering a human is in before finding their happily ever after. I had my share of myserie and suffering. I used to think that love was something beautiful, more prudent then anything else. That the lover that was meant for you and only for you could enjoy everything that you would. Bring you happiness everytime you were near your significant other. But soon enough I found out that Love was just survival. Love was nothing more then holding on for dear life and hoping it would be over soon. That the fairytale version of love would jump out of the giftbox and scream; " "Suprise" . But I am affraid that does not happen. Love in the first fase is free, exciting and happy. But after a while the nightmare begins. Fights start and you end up alone and heart-broken. And for all those who did find their fairytale love. Please share your secret.

But the sky of autumn reminds me of the feeling I had when I thought true love was real and as happy as in fairytales. 7 years later I come to think that it might all have been a dream but every time I see the night sky it reminds me that all the things in the world seem impossible but yet, everything is possible.

So every now and again I exile myself to a moment of myserie and will go and stare at the night sky and remember the love I felt - the questions I had. The hope that still is here inside the deepest darkest hole in my soul.

I think i'll go back soon.. Just to remember.


Love,

Aledawn

Snowflake Road! Small Poem

On the snowflake road it happend,
It hurt like hell and all it's demons.
On the snowflake road it happend,
And every second became silent.


On the snowflake road it happend,
He came down on me - screaming.
On the snowflake road it happend,
He swore he would kill me.


On the snowflake road it happend,
He drew his knife in fierce anger.
On the snowflake road it happend,
a stab, and then he died.


On the snowflake road it happend,
Though there is no proof.
On the snowflake road it happend,
Whether I will see him again - No!


On the snowflake road it happend,
I survied, and he gave his life.
On the snowflake road it happend,
And then it started to rain.

How to decide what to put on your iPod

I cannot decide what the hell I should place on my iPod. I have like 12 gb of music on my laptop and just an 8 gb iPod. So it's pretty anoying to decide what to put on and what to leave of. Darn..

Well i'll figure it out.

bye for now,

Aledawn

Sunday - boring sunday

So today is a sunday. I disliked sundays allot. But at this point I can see the pro's of a quite sunday. All the stores are closed here at this point and there is nothing much to do then watch some television or read a good book. Cleaning the house (well that might me forced) and making a good diner. Also, today is fathersday. But I visited my dad yesterday. All and all this will be a silent good sunday. The first sunday I am totally alone (exept the dog) which is nice. And i'm currently going to listen to the 9th audiobook of the Sookie Stackhouse novels. "Dead and Gone" thought i'd give it some credit. Charlaine, may you ever read this, good work girl! I have enjoyed every Sookie novel there is (Well exept the 9th and 10th and the ones that have not been published jet. Because I did not read/listen to it yet.) This includeds my message for my boring sunday.

Mood: Happy, Broken, Bored
Currentaudiobook: Sookie Stackhouse Novels - Dead and Gone by Charlaine Harris.


Bye - for now,

Aledawn

p.s.

For all the fathers out there who where good for their children;

Happy Fathersday - You decerive one.

Ghost of my soul - Banner for poetry

Banner for poems

So this is something new I was working on as a matter of 'fact'. This is the banner of the un-offical unreleased poetrybundle I am currently working on. It will contain a number of poems wrote by me. Maybe I will decide to release them.. If any publisher is interested. That is why I will not post any content on here for a while. So everyone who is curious to it will have to wait.

Bye for now,

Aledawn

Happiness and Loneliness.

So - I passed the last test for my school. This means I will get my Diploma on the 6th of july. So in that roll of thought I am really happy. But on the other roll of thoughts i'm quite un-happy, not for any mortal reason. I have everything I want. But still I feel like i'm being sucked up by loneliness and depression. But nothing much I can do.

I was thinking about writing a new story again, but the inspiration is held dry. So no new stories for me.

Almost forgot; I bought a few new books on Ebay and the first season of True Blood on DVD. Still waiting for three books and the DVD. Allready got five of them. And I recieved the Decended EP. It sounds great.

Current mood: Happy but Lonely
Current Audiobook: All Together Dead - Sookie Stackhouse by Charlaine Harris.

Bye - for now!